Coming out to your parents and family about your sexuality

By: Onlineintimates
Published on January 20, 2021

LGBTQ community is opening up about their sexuality gradually. Now, through social media, they have gotten the power that they could confidently speak about their needs and about who they are. But still, coming out to your parents and family about your sexuality is a difficult task. It can lead to a hell of a lot of questions and there are doubts too. What are they going to say? How will they react? What will change if I come out about my sexuality? Will someone get offended? When is the best time to have this conversation?
The need to tell is now bigger than ever since it’s the age where if you are not confident about who you are then your life will perish. But collecting the courage to do so requires a lot of thinking and planning. It would help if there was a simple guide that you can consult for guidance so that you can easily navigate the path of this essential conversation. Right? Well, here are our tips to help you in coming out to your parents and family about your sexuality.

Assess The Situation
The very first thing you should consider is what is the outlook of your parents and family. Are they homophobic? Or have they ever showed negative sentiments about the LGBTQ community? How the actual conversations occur in your family if the topic ever rises in the vicinity due to media coverage or any other medium? If the answer is negative then you should preferably don’t tell them since it would cause a lot of damage to your relationship if you are dependent on them. The idea here is to first make yourself independent and then have this conversation. In this way, you would be solely responsible for your life and this would lead to a much better position in terms of your standing.
Determining the right time also comes here. You must take time to assess all about your own personal situations and standings so that you are fully supported by your peer group. You should also be clear about your identity. If you are confused about this then that would reflect in your attitude and can lead to complexities. Believe us, people could smell confusion and hesitation. And a single moment of weakness could enable your negative parents and family to coarse you into thinking otherwise. Also, you should assess the situations at home. Are your parents going through some turmoil? Have something bad happened in recent days? If the situation is not right then you should stop yourself from taking any decision and coming out with it. Wait for the smooth seas and then sail on them.

Plan Ahead

You need to plan ahead before coming out with. This might include assessing their moods and deciding to whom should you disclose it first. It doesn’t need to be both at the same time. You should be aware of the person who can speak in favor of you and is actually caring for you. And also, understand the power difference between different members as this will allow you to convince the other person about the situation and this will lead to further convincing by the convinced partner.
Picking a good time and place is the most basic idea and you should adhere to that. Make sure that you chose a place where everyone or the person you are going to divulge the information is comfortable and giving full attention to you. Although, there is no such thing as ‘perfect time’ still you could plan ahead. The major problem here is that you have doubts about the parent’s first reaction and whom they are going to tell ahead. Yes, it is necessary to think about these things and also chose a time when they are alone and you are having family time. And you should be clear that no one is going to disturb you at that moment. These things need to be clearly stated and then you should be able to answer them satisfactorily.

Know About Your Situation

This means you should be fully confident about your situation. You could make a point that you are who you are and although their permission is not required for being you it is your duty that you should tell them and they should be supportive of you. Never expect too much from your parents and wherever possible, try to answer their questions to the full extent. There are situations when they could ask for alone time to understand your point of view and this is important. You should give them ample space to let the information sink in. Show them that coming out doesn’t change who you are, it’s just you but you are just opening up a layer about yourself and your desires.
Be confident about your answers. Yes, there are going to be numerous questions and some may be hard ones but keeping calm and trying to clear your situation is going to help. Uncomfortable situations can be death easily if you try to look at the situation from another person’s perspective. They are also coming from some point of view and it could help if you understand where they are coming from and why they are panicking if this happens. Be as honest as you can.
Use social media to influence your parents here. Help them in getting information and education about this topic and show them there are people out there who are like you and there are whole research and study that shows it’s natural. You can let them talk to your friends who have come out earlier and also you can also help them in meeting the parents of such person. This will help you to make them understand that it’s natural and it’s part of life and people are genuinely happy when they are open about their sexuality.

Prove That You Are Happy

Parents and family might become angry at you but it’s all coming from their caring attitude for you. They might have seen some bad situations and things happening to people who have come out or who were part of the LGBTQ community. All are they asking is for your happiness. And you have to prove to them that you are happy and healthy. You should describe your life events and how it would lead to your happiness and success. Don’t try to argue with them so that they accept you. Answer their questions and research shows that when parents and family are convinced that you are content with your identity and happy being there, then they become supportive.
It might take time for them to get adjusted to this new reality but it’s okay. Things don’t need to be right at the exact time. You just need to show them that it’s not going to change your life. You could also make them meet the people in your fraternity who are happy and successful. Show them your peer groups, online communities, festivals, and more.

Use Positive Responses

If you perceive that things are going well and if not, in both situations you should communicate love and appreciation for them. Tell them you love them no matter what. Tell them that it’s been hard for you to come out but it is your identity and it is important for them to be aware of this. Thank them for everything they have done for you. You could show gratitude for everything. This helps. Empathizing is really important here. Statements like – “I understand what are your fears…”, “I understand you are worried about me…”, “I am open to all kinds of questions…” and more can help you to get in the positive light.
If you perceive that the family is angry then reassure them by putting your point across very politely. Tell their mood by putting across statements where you are reassuring that it’s normal to get angry or worried. Ask them for their help and tell them about future possibilities. Tell them that it will take time and you are ready to give that time to them.

Be Focused on Positive

The situation could be handled very easily if you are focused on the positive elements. Always keep the channels open for conversation and put forth this information in the most lovable manner. Never use words that can lead to negative sentiments. Tell them the positive outcome of this and how coming out to them will help you in the future and in life. Express your own doubts and fears from their perspective and use affirming tones to ensure them that you are going to need their help to navigate the path. For this, you should also be fully convinced that you are going to lead a happy life and this is possible. Confide the thoughts and feelings solely on family and don’t divert from the topic. Digesting the information requires proper information and it will help you immensely. There may be mixed emotions like denial, guilt, fear, anger, shame, the loss that you have to deal with in the initial period but acceptance is possible. Make them clear about the point that this is a beginning and this doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. Keep your conversation crisp and full of information in a positive manner so that they can see the things that are good in being the person who you are. Hug, kiss, be emotional with your parents, and tell them that you love them immensely and want to have a happy relationship with them including the fact that this is you and nature has made you so.

Plan According to Family Members

This is the tricky part. You should be aware of the normal reactions and attitudes of your family members. Both the younger people and older people have different doubts and that leads to different attitudes. You could make points as per their age and attitudes. If you have ever seen your mother in support, then first go to her and tell her the good things. It’s the first person that is going to help you immensely during the process. Younger ones can understand this easily as they have not fixed their attitudes and can be convinced easily. The tricky part is dealing with older ones as they have lived through life and seen some things. Here your information should be correct and framed in a way that mirrors their dreams and positive elements.
Most of them will be shocked and it’s totally okay. Shock is a part of the process. It takes time for this kind of news to sink in. You could shower your love through proper gifts are showing your gratitude by doing something that they love in you. Making dinner, bring king gifts, cleaning the room, etc are tools you can use to convince them that you are very much thankful for their attention and value their love towards you. It’s all about showing respect for their views. Tell them it’s okay if they are having a hard time digesting the information. But be there when they have doubts.

Coming out is a big step and it requires a lot of fo planning. We suggest that before doing any of that you should be fully convinced and clear about your identity. Use online forums, peer groups to help you find people with the same identity. Connect with them. Converse with them and share your doubts and fears along with positive aspects. Build a support network that is willing to help you in any kind of situation and especially to convince the family that there are more like you out there and they all are happy. Also, they would provide you with personalized tips about their process and experience when they have come out with their respective family members or parents. In the end, we would say, it is courageous to come out and it’s natural to be who you are. Never fear nature and have confidence in yourself.

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