​Behavior after getting caught cheating

By: Onlineintimates
 Published on February 02, 2021

​Crisis mode reaches to topmost level when you are caught cheating. Everything seems to end soon. Saving the situation by the right methods becomes utmost necessary and the problem is that there is nobody other than you who can solve the situation. What to do then? What if there was an essential guide that could guide you about the behaviors that could save the situation? Well, we are here to help you with that. It is of utmost essential to have these tips at hand so that you can navigate the tricky path that leads from that moment when you are caught cheating. ​

1. Accept The Act

Denying the act will only worsen things more. Your partner will get angry and frustrated as she/he is very much aware of your infidelity and more lies will hurt him/her in the heart as you are not accepting the act. The thing here is to be a grown-up and tell the truth. Since he/she has learned what has happened, then there seems to be no point in denying the act. Also, owning up the act clears the conscience and also shows that you are trying to come clean. It also showcases that although you have made a mistake at least you are sincere enough to accept that you have done a wrong thing and you are sorry about the fact. Accepting the act allows your partner to gradually accept that you are deeply regretful about the act and want things to go in a better way.

1. Show Vulnerability

If you have caught immediately, never ever show rudeness or arrogance unless and until you want that relationship to end. Show your vulnerability and be defenseless. This makes your partner less angry and shows that you are at his/her mercy and enables them to contemplate the issue in a much lighter tone. Dropping the hands and not igniting the arguments helps here as you are being vulnerable here.

1. Be Very Much Aware Of What You Are Saying

Words are powerful. Every single word you utter from your mouth in getting caught situations will make your future in a direction. You should be very much aware of the kind of words and sentences you are using while talking with your partner. The tone is very important here as the tone changes the meaning of words. Light, apologetic words that are sincere in tone will help you in controlling the situation. As you had made a mistake and you are caught then you are asking for a second chance. Be very polite and use words that are sincere, simple, and show that you respect the other person’s feelings and show your sincerity. Never use strong verbs like leaving, anger, frustration, or more.

1. What Can I Do To Amend This?

This should be the whole crux of your conversation. You made a mistake. You have hurt your partner. You should immediately or after some time (depending on the partner’s attitude) ask your partner seriously about this. This shows your willingness that you want to amend things and are very regretful about the things that have happened in the past and now you are trying to do the right thing. Asking this question also shows your vulnerability and desire to be together with him/her and this plants a seed in her/his mind that you want to atone for your needs and your partner feels important.

1. Never Involve Kids

If you have kids, then never mention them even once. She/he might do so to make his/her point but you should never. Uttering the names of kids will lead to more fights as you are not taking responsibility for your actions and your partner might think that you are going to use kids as your leverage to get out of the situation. Also, bringing the mention of kids in the conversation can lead to more fights as your partner might say that you are not a good father/mother. It seems unfair to the kids that you are cheating and this needs to be avoided at any cost.

1. Don’t Blame Your Partner

This is the golden rule. If you are caught cheating, never blame the other one. This will infuriate her/him. No one likes to be blamed and especially for an act that has done harm to the relationship and brought pain to the heart. Also, it makes the other person defensive and will throw off the control from your hands. Yes, you might have also been hurt in the past and that could have led to this situation but still, you can’t use that card as this will show your behavior in a bad light. The simple thing is to accept the act and then apologize for your actions very sincerely.

1. Don’t Rush

The problem here is that people want to fix things right there and then. This can’t be done. Humans are emotional people and catching your partner cheating is a blow to the heart. The feelings are heart. Dreams, desires, good memories, feelings, and more are broken immediately and that is lots of damage in a single moment. Dealing with it requires both space and time. You can’t expect to reform these things immediately. You need to gradually show that you are trying to do the good things and moving on the right path. The thing here to understand is that most of all, the trust has been broken and it requires a lot of time in regaining the trust. Fragile relationships require very keen care to keep them in shape and since you have done something wrong in the past, it might lead to some difficult situations and conversations but you should be focused on showing that you are trying your 110% to be faithful and good.

1. Communicate

After the initial confrontation, you could communicate with your partner with his/her willingness. Communication is the key here. You could apologize and then tell him/her about your situation and how you ended up in that situation. Yes, it might be tough but that’s the path you need to travel as you have made a bad decision and also you have done this after being affected by some things. Communicate about your feelings and weaknesses and the things which led you to that situation and then ask what she is feeling and what can you do to amend things. Be open in communication and listen to his/her doubts, complaints, and problems. Ask her what she/he wants you to do to prove that you are sincere in your efforts and want to save the relationship.

1. Give Time to Your Partner

Time heals everything. Follow this advice in dual fold way. Give time to both your relationship and your partner. Give her/him time to gradually see you in a new light where you are doing your best to do everything right. Also, giving time to her/him will allow you to interact with them more often and allows open communication which is required at this moment immediately. By communication, you can sort out all kinds of things between the two. Giving time to your partner also shows that the relationship is your priority and you are willing to do things for saving it.

1. Promise

Immediately promise your partner that you’ll stop the affair and will never see your lover ever again. Agree to their terms that you will sever every line of contact with your lover. This allows your partner to see the honesty in your actions and words and brings you out from all the filth of secrecy. Safety also comes along with it as your partner believes that you are going to act on your promises that you so sincerely made. Keep in mind that stopping the affair and promising to never see your lover is beyond the horizon of dinner dates or sex. Every single mode of contact includes calls, messages, personal meetings, coffee talks, Facebook, Instagram, and more. And also promise your spouse that from today onwards there will be no secrecy. Talk about your conversation with people you are meeting in the day.

1. Agree to Answer All Kind of Questions

Catching your partner cheating raises lots of questions in a person’s mind. You should remember these things and be willing to answer all kinds of questions irrespective of their subject matter. Marriage experts agree that couples can heal their relationships in a better manner after an affair if the person who was cheating agrees to share every single bit of information with the partner. The thing here is to help your partner reach a situation where he/she doesn’t feel pain while remembering the situation as you have amended the things in a good way and answered every single question in their minds. Not holding back in answering shows that you are following the rule of no more secrets.

1. Empathize

Empathizing means trying to understand the situation from the other person’s point of view. Be willing to see things from their perspective as they have been hurt. Listening helps here and also allows you to see to what extent they have been hurt by your actions. Based on this understanding you can make amends and plan your behavior around them so that they start trusting you again. Being emotionally available to your partner also helps here and shows that you are also in pain by the events and this creates an emotional attachment which helps in healing.

1. Don’t Try to Go Back To Things As They Were

You can’t make the things as they were. It’s impossible after you have been caught cheating. You could start fresh but that event is now a part of your life and you need to own up to that. Also, this will change things. Yes, you could make things were but if you are thinking about making things as they were before, then you are wrong. It’s a life-altering event and you can’t go back. You need to understand that if things were good then it wouldn’t have led to you cheating on your partner. The thing here is to focus on building a new and better relationship with your partner where you both are healed and happy with the new things and trying to work things out in a positive light.

1. Stop Demanding Privacy

Secrets are the seeds of doubt. Secrecy shows that you are doing something which you don’t want to be caught at. Asking for privacy shows just that. After getting caught, you should allow your partner more access to your life so that there is not a shred of doubt about your activities and daily life. Sharing social media platform passwords and allowing access to the phone are major steps as they are the devices and places where you must have started cheating. Giving access to these things allows your partner to trust you as they are trying to see you in a new light where you are very open about everything and since there is no such thing as secrecy, your relationship heals faster.

1. Fulfill Your Partner’s Needs

You have broken your partner’s heart. Amending it will require effort. A lot of effort. You have neglected the needs of them and fulfilling them is your responsibility now. It becomes very necessary now to show that you love your partner very much. Both physical and emotional needs are to be filled by your actions, behaviors, and words. You could go to dinner parties, have a movie together,  intimate conversations are a way to deal with things. Conversations form a major part of this step as conversations allow you to fully explore the points where you were having problems and what events led to this infidelity. You should focus on your partner’s needs and then sincerely adapt yourself to fulfill them.

1. Don’t Get Annoyed When Your Partner Cries

Tears are going to be a recurring event after your cheating is caught. Feelings are a fragile thing and human beings tend to cry over things to get over them or to deal with pain. Tears are proof that your partner is hurt and is in pain. Getting annoyed is not the answer. It will only worsen the situation as it would be proven as unsympathetic. Sympathizing is the better option where you are trying to care for your partner. Understanding the reasons for their tears is the answer and then trying to do things that make them happy.

1. Don’t Defend Your Lover

If your partner is blaming your lover for enticing you to do that. Don’t defend the lover. This shows that you are still caring for your lover rather than your partner. Believe us, it will only lead to bad things. Your partner is finding both of you guilty and defending even one of you will cause damage to your situation. instead of defending, be apologetic, and accept that you have made a mistake. Focus on your partner’s needs rather than your lover’s image.

1. Don’t Involve Friends or Family

If you try to use other people to help you in asking for forgiveness from your partner, then you are going for a bad step. It never helps. Your partner sees this in a negative light as she/he sees that you are using good people to get things in the right place while it is your sole responsibility to make things right. Yes, you need to confront and accept the anger and frustration of your partner alone as you have done this alone. Also, it’s wrong to the people you are thinking of involving. Relationships are a private matter and especially infidelity. If you are really willing to straighten the things, then you should do amendments on your own.

1. Be Quick in Your Decision Making

Confrontation brings two options in front of you- either to choose your partner or your lover. If you are willing to part ways with your partner then you should decide that immediately. And if you are willing to part ways with your lover and want your relationship to survive then you need to do things accordingly. This decision-making is required at a fast pace as this will be reflected in your behavior. Who do you want to be with from now on? This is the question that should be very clear in your mind as this will form the future actions yours.
​

1. Be Willing To go Through Uncomfortable Times

A relationship is built on mutual trust and dreams about the future. Love, hopes, and good times are the base. Catching your partner cheating breaks all of the hopes, dreams, and images of love in your partner's hearts. Basically, he or she is going through emotional turmoil as she/he has been cheated on. You need to be willing to be there while the times are hard. And yes, they are going to be hard. Emotional breakdown, verbal fights, blaming, denying that you ever loved them and other accusations are part of the deal and you need to accept all of this if you want your relationship to survive. 

---

​CHECK OUT OTHER BLOGS

Back to sexopedia